sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
