That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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