I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
