why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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