im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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