if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I looked at my own cervix.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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