Plan B is the new Plan A
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
