I got chris browned last night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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