I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story