sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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