these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
someone owes me an orgasm
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosť, bitch!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos