oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.