And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
