I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
