Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
