Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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