I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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