You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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