He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
pray to the hookup gods
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
