capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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