Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
