my soul wont recognize me after tonight
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
