My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
