Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
