i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
