woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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