It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
