If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
