Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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