Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
