Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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