Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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