Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
