it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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