Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
