She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
