i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
