I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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