dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Small penises have feelings too.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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