Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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