So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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