If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
