We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
