dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
