you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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