i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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