Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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