I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
time to smoke my breakfast
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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