Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
