I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
