Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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