i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
