she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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