Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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