Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my poor anus
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
