chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
