cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
