please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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