i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
