His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
