nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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