Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
