Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
