We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
