i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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