Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
