You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
