I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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