Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
