I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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