My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
