The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
