Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He better not be in your backpack
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
