I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
