You work out of a Hotel?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
