if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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