Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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