just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
