I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
