So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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